I don't even see a production-ready s3 client library, thank u next

David Bushell, its in his banner if you click it.

I was under the impression David just had some strong opinions on dbus.

I genuinely cant tell if this is sarcastic. Im all for innovation where its productive, but some things already just work.

There's also Fable for F# but I believe this commenter is being sarcastic. Javascript is a common backend language.

I’m that ridiculous person who would rather learn OCaml from scratch if it meant I never had to use JS

Kidding of course. Mostly.

I'd rather learn MUMPS or COBOL than use JS... not kidding.

Before JS became a common backend language, you could do this with at least one stack: Clojure & ClojureScript.