This is an outright lie. No it wasn’t.

Yikes, this is a bit too harsh.

Dude, that company sounds awesome!

If you’re looking for employment that’s as stable as a minor-league cartel, sure.

Coke, machetes, and drunk driving gets your passion moved?

Concisely, seek help.

Still sounds better than a retail job I had

It’s a joke, buddy. You must be fun at parties.

> You must be fun at parties

In the context, this is funnier than your “joke” was!