CPTSD agrees with all of this. I suspect rooting out trauma consciously improves the process, but can't speak to quickened pace at 44. Unlike logical thought, feeling through requires presence for the whole lecture, as it were.

Problem of the local maxim, extreme dependency is the same as evolutionary pressure to specialize for it, eventually the process owns you.

Interesting, could you elaborate please? What does dependency mean in this context? That you become over specialized for a niche?

And even he learned by the end the only real satisfaction is in helping others.

"Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever!"