This whole chain of consequences probably started around "why did you start studying chemistry when you were 19 years old?".

Maybe bit sad. Very common. And also a life.

Agreed. It's like a sad state in my mind more than anything. But also an interesting prompt for reflection - if something sad happened to you due to your own decisiona, do you reflect on those decisions and learn?

Not as much learn, but - are you able to pull yourself out from a local optimum?

It is not the learning but the action that is missing here.